We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize