you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
