if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize