The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
