I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
