i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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