I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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