Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
His nipple licking is glorious
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