Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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