Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
