so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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