That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
