I wish I only lived at night.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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