I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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