I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
