Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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