You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
