Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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