i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
