Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
