you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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