I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
