You're my little dorito
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
