i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
