I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
