You're my little dorito
Your tits are I can't wait for
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize