Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
