too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
