i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
