She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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