So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
