A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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