I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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