dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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