??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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