I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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