My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
pop tarts are not kleenex
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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