He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
