Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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