rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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