I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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