So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
