btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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