This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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