My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
