im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
