sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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