i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
True college students do jello shots in the library
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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