so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
