I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
