I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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