what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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