she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
