you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
