Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
