Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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