Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
