tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
