Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
birth control should be required to get into college
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize