I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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