Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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