My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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