It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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