so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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