and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
