so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
