We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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