its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize