It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
