It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize