I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
