I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
