I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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