people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
