Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
