How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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