If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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