2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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