You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
