Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
