apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
