No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
