I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
