with your own penis?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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