i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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