I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
