I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
